Working on ME!!!

I am still learning about myself.  I have recently accepted the fact that i was in a very controlled marriage.  I cant quite say it was abusive, i am working on that.  but controling, yes.  I am normally one of the strongest women that I know.  then I got married to a great guy.  He was fun loving, looked great in a flight suit, we were great friends.  We were in the navy together.  He wanted kids, I didnt.  But, I tried anyway.  I was one of those outgoing women, Pretty, red hair, always the life of the party.  We would have parties all the time.  I was a terrific hostess.  I remember after one party, I thought had gone really well, he pulled me aside and chewed my ass out.  I dont recall the exact words, but I am sure he could tell you.  I think it went something like this, You were sure having fun tonight, you were talking to every one but me.  I am sure I said excuse me.  then we argued all night untill I could apologize all night for not standing quietly by his side instead of being the perfect hostess.

That began the first of the all nighters.  Any time he felt I had slighted him in any way, which was freqently, he would keep me up all night until I could appologize correctly, and in the proper tone.  It didnt matter if we had to work or not. The apology had to be precise, the voice inflection had to be perfect, and heart felt.  If he felt I didnt mean it, we would start over until he felt it was genuine.  This lasted 13 years.

I have been divorced 6 years.  He still calls me to yell at me about stuff.  People tell me to just hang up on him.  They dont understan that I cant.  We have an 11 year old together.  So, we are tied together.  I will give an example.  He called up one time and asked who was in the car.  I responded , My boyfriend, my child, and my boyfriends child.  When My ex precedded to scream at me about something stupid.  I have sence been to a terrific shrink who tells me each time to inform my ex that I will not speak to him when he yells, that he can call back when he isnt yelling.  That is working so far.  Thanks Doc.

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